Why did you wake me up at 3:36 AM for no reason? To my knowledge I did nothing to upset you. Your heartburn came without warning and interrupted a really cool dream I was having, just so you know. To make matters worse, you kept me awake until 4:00 AM. This is unacceptable considering I wake up at 7:00 AM. If you could please just tell me what I did to make you angry, I promise not to do it again. I'm sorry!
Thank you for being not only tasty but also magnificently effective at solving interpersonal disputes with my stomach. I don't understand that guy or why he gets so angry all the time over seemingly nothing -- but you always step in and calm him down. You're a real life saver.
P.S. Please don't tell him I said that he gets angry over practically nothing. It would make him angry.