Sunday, May 31, 2009

Pen Island

New pigment liners!

I Returneth

Amusing things I noticed from point A to point B:

1. The Shits Road Exit
Honestly, who lives on Shits Road? Can you imagine trying to tell anyone that's where your house was?
2. Strangely High Insect Population Near The State Line
I've been on many road trips, but for some reason we hit a lot of fraking bugs on this trip. So many bug innards littered the windshield in fact that it looked like we were constantly traveling at warp speed.
3. There is a 3 Second Delay on iPhone Cameras
Trying to take a picture of the "Welcome To...!" sign was some epic fail when I was anticipating an instant capture and instead got a photo of open road.
4. Men Piss Anywhere
Saw 4 people pissing on our way back. Separately. Like 1 in Amherst, 1 in Toldeo, 1 in Monroe, etc. The amount of rest stops on the interstate these days is obscene, there's no reason to stop to pee on the side of the road unless you're just a dude wanting to be a dude.
5. Expanse of Land Between Perrysburg & Toledo = Deliverance
Do not stop. Do not. Ever. Nature is not your friend.

The trip itself was awesome.

I saw so many old friends and family! It was almost as if time had somehow stood still and waited for us all to get back together again. Though we were obviously all a little older and a little wiser, it was as if we'd never been apart. And the Wings won, so that was icing on the cool-cake.

Saying goodbye to people was really hard, but especially so to say goodbye to Holly. I was tempted to chloroform her and take her with me just to avoid it. I've decided I must return at least 1 more time before my return South. My little sister and I have to get our older sister to get a tattoo, amongst other things. /evilplot

Doctor's appointment tomorrow at dawn, they'll be jabbing sharp electrical needles into my feet this time. Someone is going to get hit. I may get arrested. I'll keep you posted.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Safe Arrival

I come to you live from my hotel room with internets courtesy of Starbucks and loads of reading over the shoulder and alcohols. So no one has to worry I arrived safe!

Road Trip

Leaving for the weekend, we're all going on a road trip. A road trip - a road trip - a road trip - a road trip - a road trip - a road trip - a road trip - a road trip... Ms. O'Mailey is gonna be there too. Ms. Bradley, she drives the van.

I may take my laptop with me for some late night onlineness, but don't hold your breath. Last thing I want to return to is anyone blue-faced from lack of oxygen. Don't die!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009


My feets can't tell the difference between sharp and soft. It's not the pasta! How's that for curious?

Moar tests June 1st & June 2nd. Verdict is still out on cutting me open. I may be in Ohio for quite a while longer than planned.

No Sleep for The Sleepy

Today begins with a dentist appointment. Though, I guess begins is a bad way of putting it since I've been up all night. Nothing important, my teeth are always totally dapper. It'll just be an exam/cleaning and my dentist hassling me about how much sugar I eat and how much coffee I drink despite the fact that my teeth are always fine. In fact, I dare say they've got it backwards and my abnormal sugar intake is what makes my teefs so fantastic!

I feel compelled to annoy my dentist as much as a dentist tends to annoy you groping around in your mouth. I did it once a few years ago. Brushed my teeth, got all ready to head out and then decided to eat a handful of Cheetos just to spite him. Don't get me wrong, he's a great dentist, that's why I see him here instead of well, anyone else elsewhere. But no one likes someone else's hands in their mouth.

Conversation was priceless, "Did you eat Cheetos before coming?"
I manage, despite his hands in my mouth, "Yush."
The dentist blinks a time or two behind his Dr. Green glasses, "You knew you had a dentist appointment?"
I grin as much as I can, "Yush."
He blinks again, "Alright..."
He was not as entertained as I was.

Then I have a few hours of nothing to do since it's maintenance day for Warcraft and all of my consoles/movies are in Florida and all the humans I know will be at some form of work. I could sketch, but I feel as though I am tempting a dangerous fate sketching. My pen is almost out of ink so the only way to ensure any flow at all is to heat that beast up. Pretty soon there is going to be a horrible explosion of plastic, metal tips, and ink and I'll be the unfortunate victim.

At five I have another doctor's appointment. Basically the same thing they've done to my hands, on my feet. I know, I'm so stoked. And by "stoked" I mean "full of dread." Then, since it's been about a week, I'll be able to schedule the doctor's appointment to get the verdict on my zombie hands. With any luck they'll just tell me on the phone and not make me come in to hear about it. I swear they try to lure me into the office far too often. They get the same amount of money either way, they may as well save us all a little time.


P.S. Did I mention my dentist hums while he works? It's fantastic. Doo doo dodo doo doo~

Monday, May 11, 2009

Most Obnoxious Hour of My Life

So I went for my super not awesome tests this morning and can confirm they were in fact super not awesome.

In fact I may be so bold as to say that was the single most obnoxious hour of my entire life. Beating out trying to watch movies with Brook, going to dinner with Sarah, talking with paladins in Silvermoon, and Mister Boresaw's 7th grade Social Studies. What can you expect from a 70 year old man with the last name Boresaw anyway?

The topical test was akin to repeatedly banging your funny bone. That's what it felt like. The woman who administered this test had obviously never undergone it herself because she told me it would feel kind of like a very light static shock. No. No, it did not feel like a very light static shock. It felt like you were hammering my funny bone, lady.

She had to keep putting hot packs onto my hands to warm them during the test. I tried to tell her when I arrived and she had me soak my hands in hot water because, "it's cold outside." That my hands are always cold, even when it's 90 degrees outside, but naturally she had to be proven wrong the hard way. Skeptics.

I was relieved when it was over only for the cart with several long sterile needles to be wheeled out. I was ready to get it done and over with, only for the woman to inform me that, "It's only 8:00am, doctor Wiess doesn't arrive until 8:15am. Feel free to relax while you wait."

Oh yes, feel free to relax while staring at a tray of sharp pointed objects you know you're going to be stabbed AND electrocuted with while wearing naught but a skimpy medical gown. That sounds easy. Maybe I am just cranky from lack of sleep and low blood sugar from not being able to eat past midnight... but I doubt it.

The doctor arrives, late as expected, and is a man who by all looks of things is in the wrong field. He looks like every male psychiatrist you have ever seen on film. I swear it. But here he is, a neurologist. He must've been trying to prove a point. He spoke like he was afraid he would scare me away, which meant I could barely hear him and was trying to read his lips through his mustache.

I don't think I need to bother going into detail about the intramuscular EMG. I explained the joys of that in my last post and quite frankly it was every bit as miserable as had been anticipated. Add in the pleasure of bleeding like a faucet.

Now we play the waiting game.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

OMG Zombies

Or Swine Flu, whichever.

Due to the Swine Flu Zombie Outbreak Epidemic I'm not supposed to get on any airplanes. This means I'm stranded in Ohio a while longer. This also means I have more time for childish shenanigans and to visit everyone. That's some super awesome.

What's not super awesome is nerve conduction tests. In fact those are super not-awesome. This will include an intramuscular EMG. I don't know why doctors bother explaining to you what torture they're going to inflict. I'd rather be oblivious but apparently they are going to sick needles into my muscles and measure the electrical currencies at rest and at activity. Then they're going to pull out a few centimeters and do it again, then again about 10 or 20 times. I don't know about you but that sounds super lame, not awesome.

That's the 11th, then I get to wait and find out if they need to surgically try to fix something, which according to my doctor is a high probability.

Maybe they will postpone surgery due to fear of zombies?