Sunday, June 28, 2015

I'm A Sexuality Ninja

When I was 15 my best friend came up to me at school and said, "I have something crazy to tell you! Come over after school?" I'll admit I was a little excited about gossip so rich it couldn't be repeated on school grounds.

That afternoon when classes let out, I walked the few miles from the school to her house. When I arrived and she treated me to a soda, her giddiness to share this information was so intense it was practically another entity in the room. "You'll never guess what (name redacted) told me in homeroom!" she began, eyes gleaming with secret knowledge.

"What?" I asked, my curiosity piqued. A new crush? A new rival? Did a teacher say something racist again? Did her dad have a new girlfriend? Did she get caught smoking in the bathroom?

"She's bisexual!" my best friend exclaimed, followed immediately by fake gagging, "Like she likes dudes and chicks! YUCK!"

I already knew (name redacted) was bisexual because I was too. I shifted uncomfortably. "Wow, how weiiiiiiiiird," I exaggerated. She had no idea. No one had any idea. Best to keep it that way. And that was the day I decided not to come out. That one reaction from someone I considered my closest friend. This is why I have never made any real public declaration.

There are probably people reading this right now going, "Wait, what?!" but I'm an adult living with supportive people in a safe space and none of those small town attitudes matter to me anymore. I'm going to marry a man, which is probably why some of you will accept this information without incident, but what if I weren't? If that would bother you, we probably shouldn't be friends.

Saturday, June 13, 2015

The Most Disappointing Human Interaction

It's common for a woman to have at least a dozen stories about male friends she has lost due to not wanting a romantic relationship with them. Usually, though, these friendships were at least somewhat young. Nothing but ruined potential. Rarely do they involve a friendship spanning longer than a few months. It is really disappointing to think you're making a new friend only to find out they had an ulterior motive. Why can't people (usually dudes) just accept a relationship as platonic?

Back in the early 2000's, I basically confessed all my feels to this boy who was kind of awkward and long distance but easily my best friend at the time. We had all the same interests and hobbies and got along well. After years of friendship we'd never had a single argument. Every now and then our interactions were even a little flirty. It seemed logical that we would make a great couple.

So imagine my surprise when he not only didn't reciprocate my feelings at all but actually sorta... rebuked them. I was super bummed but remained his friend, talking daily and hanging out. I got over it pretty quickly, because our friendship was ultimately more important to me than anything else, and everything went back to the way it had always been.

Then several years later he confessed to having a huge crush on me. Um, what? Unfortunately by then I had shut out all those feelings for so long that it was SUPER weird because our relationship, for me, had become so sibling-like. I had been lead to believe that it would never be anything but platonic. It was like being asked out by my brother. So I had to tell him that while I loved him a lot, I didn't love him that way and very likely never could. Of course, even though it went without saying, I made sure he knew that I would love to maintain the relationship we'd always had.

Even though I was far more gentle with his feelings than he had been with mine originally, he wasn't as gracious about it as I was. We stayed friends for about a year, though he talked to me way less frequently. Then out of the blue he vanished. Moved, changed all his screen names and email, etc. Not a word to me about it beforehand and no contact afterward. It's honestly the single strangest, disappointing interaction with another human being I've ever had. And coming from my background, that's saying a lot.

Like just... wow.

Thursday, June 11, 2015

Autistic Adults Were Autistic Children | Autistic Children Grow Into Autistic Adults

There is this strange global disconnect between Autistic children and Autistic adults. As if children with Autism never grow up or perhaps outgrow their Autism, and adults with Autism developed it later in life. But no, man. That is not how it works.

You don't come down with a case of Autism like one might come down with a cold, likewise you do not cure a case of Autism either like one might get over a cold.

Autistic adults were formerly Autistic children. Autistic children will grow into Autistic adults. This is how it works. This is how it has always worked. It doesn't "come on" out of no where. It doesn't "go away" as you get older. You're either born Autistic or you aren't.