Wednesday, September 30, 2009



Get Your Mugs

It's celebration time! In eight hours. The fabled return to internets. Be there.

Stepping out the door literally three minutes from now, it's a day of super boring driving ahead and then... and then I will reacquaint myself with being online for more than five minutes at a time! Hurray hurrah, as my aunt would say. Is it nerdy to be excited about that? Who cares. I'm excited!

Clothes? Packed. Toiletries? Packed. Books? Packed. Snacks? Packed. Extra shoes? Packed. Sketchpad? Packed. Pens? Packed too. Gameboy? In purse. Purse? In lap. Phone? Charged! Gift for aunt? Left where it'll be found. Breakfast? Waiting at the skyway. Inari has left the building!

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Marian The Librarian

Tonight is movie night. Late every Saturday we watch some movie from the 50's. Tonight it's an old horror film. Which will be funny for several reasons. Mostly because on Monday I can say, "Last week, I sawr a film, as I recall it was a horror film."

We also bought a bunch of popcorn from a local Boy Scout who came by this morning with a little wagon full of the stuff. Made his day by buying so much. He must have been about 6 or 7 tops. So excited to make his first sale.

How convenient, I thought, popcorn for our movie!

I may also go to a concert. A patient and friend of my aunt's, Rosie,  is playing a show tonight and wants us to come stop by. You may know her from the band Dot Dot Dot, contestants a while back on The Next Great American Band. I haven't seen her since I was like 15, so that may be fun.

Tomorrow it's a toss up. We could go to the huge community BBQ or we could go to the horse track. We were invited to a private box, which is pretty damn neat. I haven't been invited to a private box since I was about 8 years old and won all those old trackies so much money. It's like watching the races in a tiny cube-shaped palace complete with servants. For now I go to buy more donuts and coffee. Because you can never have enough of either.

My mother keeps texting me pictures of her fish Eric and her other fish Eric. And her other other fish, Eric. Mom, what the hell? It's so absurd it's cute. I love you.

Yeah, I just said I love my mom in public. What're you gonna do about it?! That's what I thought. Go call your mothers, they miss you.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Staying Gone

I was supposed to head back to Ohio today, but I'm not quite done in Illinois yet. So I will remain here until Tuesday. No celebrating the return of internets just yet. Oh well! Not like there isn't a thousand things to occupy myself with here. I'll manage.

Speaking of keeping busy, we went to this tiny theater and saw Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs. Go see it. It was really great. Also, I co-star. There's more incentive to get off your ass. Inari Sparks. No one will let me hear the end of it.

Yesterday we went to a nearby State park and had a wonderful time just wandering around with our feet in the sand and our toes in the water. Skipping stones and making merry. Until I got attacked by an insect out for murder. Blarg. It was still a good day regardless.

There is an old Nuclear plant there, all sealed up. The original park was put there to lure folks in and show them how safe and friendly Nuclear energy was to have around. Ironically 10 years after convincing everyone of the safety they discovered a flaw in the system and had to seal off the entire plant before an American Chernobyl happened. So there are a bunch of old abandoned kiosks along the way. Things retaken by nature.

Earlier in the week we went to an orchard where we ate home cooked food and played like children all day. I even became the leader of a herd of goats before getting hopelessly lost in a corn-husk labyrinth. I couldn't find the Goblin King.

On the way home from the daily happiness (icecream with sprinkles) we saw a fox. A fox! How cool is that? So cool.

Related to cool: good news and bad news. Good news first! I don't have cancer. Now that is cool. The biopsy results are back and while the news is certainly superb (x9000) it also means I still lack answers. Which is the bad news. More tests will be forthcoming! The 13th of this month being the first of which.

Yeah, I didn't tell most of you about that possibility. A few family members aside, unless I told anyone else while on drugs from the scope. I do that, keep scary secrets to myself so the only one who has to worry is me until I know if there is a reason to or not. Sorry! But now you know you don't have to worry about that.

Tonight we go to the movies again. This time to see I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell. Geoff is in that movie, so naturally we have to go see him. Saturday I was invited by a bunch of local nerds while buying a Chaos Terminator Lord to do nerdy things at a card shop, though I probably won't go. Sunday there is a huge community BBQ. Then Monday is my last, very last spinal treatment.

Internet. Tuesday. Be there or be square.

Sunday, September 20, 2009


I'm supposed to be killing monsters right now, but between sharing internet and finding internet that's not working out so well for me. Yes, digital monsters not real ones. As always. A shame too, there is a super awesome monster to kill this week.

We were going to go to a Civil War reenactment today, but by the time I crawled out of bed the war was over. Haha.

It was mostly an excuse to go to the mansion across the lake from us anyway. The man who used to live there had dominion over the entire lake and all surrounding property until he eventually opened it up for development. When he died he donated it and the entire other half of the lake to the city to use for whatever. This weekend it was a Civil War reenactment. A few weeks ago it was ballroom dancing.

Guns and mayhem were more appealing than champagne and evening gowns to me. As if that's shocking. I maintain that we should have rowed over in the canoe on Saturday, but my grandfather thinks they would've shot cannons at us. An amusing thought. Playing the South in a Civil War reenactment has to be a lot like drawing the short straw. I mean, not only do you have to play the loser but you're also playing the role of huge ass. Amirite?

Instead we went to Antioch for breakfast at some homey little momma's sort of place with tasty food. Oddly decorated though. Covered wall to wall in paintings and statues of roosters. All I could think of was cock jokes but could say none of them! Then as I was eating my eggs it was if every beady little eye in the room was upon me. I decided: chickens are pro-life.

Something weird happened the other day. We had gone into the old town, stopping in to a pagan shop and a costume shop, among others. What is worthy of note between these two stores however is that one of the clerks in the costume shop (who by the by are always in full costume while working) asked me about my experience in the other store. A curious inquiry.

How did he know I had even gone into the other store? The two are blocks apart separated by buildings and streets from line of sight and he had been on all day so it's not as though he had seen me enter or exit. Did the clerk from the other store phone ahead? That would be equally strange. We've been boggling over that one all weekend. How the heck did he know where I had been?

Before curious parties think they've solved one of my mysteries, I'm not pagan. Religion? Lack thereof? Still a secret. So are my political views. That stuff isn't important to anyone but me. There are, maybe, one or two people who know anything about that and they're sworn to secrecy.

We also went to the Native club. White Feather. It's a short distance from the manse here, in fact they share the lake with us. I don't know why we drive half the time we do. We could just as easily row or sail. It's not as if there is a lack of boats. Heck, I'd swim if it was acceptable to show up places wet.

There's a joke there someplace.

I've been drawing a lot and I'm almost finished with my book. I've got a bit of color to show for it. And freckles. Yes, freckles. I regret not bringing the third book however, because once this one's through I'll have a lack of reading material for the pier. Which leaves me with a lot of spare time for sketching. There is a humongous Borders right up the road, I suppose I could always buy another third book.

I go back to Ohio this upcoming Friday. Between now and then we've tons of things planned. Hopefully I'll be able to do them all. My spine is a lot better, I should be finished with adjustments by Thursday and then I can follow up with any doctor where ever I happen to be for upkeep, every now and then. Just to be sure nothing is amiss. In other health news, I should have some biopsy news by Tuesday regarding my innards. Fingers are still crossed on that stuff. We'll see. I won't dwell on the unknown.

My grandpa has managed to lose two pounds eating sundaes with me every day. Perhaps I'm on to something. The Sundae Diet? Eat a sundae every day except Sunday. The backwards of it is why it's successful. You burn calories trying to make it make sense. Seems logical to me.

Long blogs are long because there's no internet signal here and I'm trying to pass time until there is. I feel so secluded! Text message is still about the only way to keep in touch with me. So pardon the randomness. A lot has happened and I try to keep you all up-to-date in the absence of reliable technology. Rather than a daily update or a few IM conversations I wind up with these big walls of text once or twice a week. I forget how quickly I can type and before long it's this massive thing you're daunted to read through. Apologies for that.

To follow through with more random, it's raining and lovely right now. We were out and about at the festivities of Autumn when it began. I didn't run for cover with the rest. I was rather pleasantly surprised by the unpredicted change of weather. An, "Oh, yay!" moment. I don't think people ever really expect such nonchalance. Some things are beyond your control to change so you may as well enjoy them! My name is Inari, and I decide to be happy.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Dear John,

Who would have thought the guy who always drove his motorcycle home from gatherings inebriated without incident like some sort of daredevil would die driving to work completely sober? He would have chuckled at that, I believe. He would have appreciated the irony, surely. Whenever I see assless chaps, I will remind everyone of a guy we all called Big Skeet.

Rest in peace my dude.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Role Reversal

Today I accompany my grandfather to his Electrocardiogram, like he accompanied me to my Esohagogastroduodenoscopy. Only totally different. Because they're completely unrelated tests. They probably won't permit me in the room with him until they're through, then again they didn't permit him in the room with me until I was through. To be honest that's probably a mighty fine idea because I'd be making him laugh and messing up their tests without a doubt. It's what I do.

Instead I'll loom about in the waiting room with the 600 galon salt water aquarium and read my book. I'm more than halfway done with it thanks to this lake and a lack of internet. The fishes will probably float right above my chair thinking I'm there to feed them. I seem to have that effect on fish.

Hopefully all is well in Papa's Heartsville. I would imagine so. He is in better shape than most people half his age. He's in better shape than I am, albeit that isn't difficult. It would be mind boggling if he had some occult condition lying in wait. Heck. Bullets, knives, and terrible car crashes didn't scathe him. He's like a Native Chuck Norris. No lie.

Tonight we watch The Office. I think it's the new one. Which means we finally get absolution for that cliff hanger. Undoubtedly bound to be hilarious. Last night we watched a Honeymooners marathon. That's great stuff too. My grandfather used to watch it every Saturday when they were new with my grandmother, but never got to see all of them after she died. Recently he bought them all on DVD but had no one to watch them with. So I volunteered.

Yesterday we got lost in Wisconsin going shopping. I apparently needed new shoes and a watch. Everything they say about Wisconsin is true, the cheese talk is no exaggeration. About every mile or so we found a cheese emporium claiming to be larger and more full of cheese than the last. It was a little absurd. Who eats that much cheese to keep all of these places in business? Talk about over saturation of a local market.

After some searching and a call to my uncle we managed to find our way. I wound up with a pair of Nike Airs and a watch by Adidas. I like to think they are in a constant state of silent accessory conflict.

I wasn't going to update until tomorrow, because as of tomorrow I'll be at the halfway point of my visit. Meaning I go back to Ohio next Friday. But my grandfather and I got all up and ready to go to his doctor only to realize we were an hour ahead of schedule. Early, imagine that. So we were both left with forty-five minutes of nothing to do. Which brings me to now, here.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Taste The Rain

Yesterday we had a little get together: my mom, grandfather, nephews, older brother and Brook. It was a lovely day. Fun times. After dinner Jaiden wanted to go out into the yard with me. Then he wanted to blow bubbles. Once I got them out everyone wanted to blow bubbles, so we had a bubble blowing extravaganza.

I taught my nephews a thing or two about blowing bubbles that day. Actually, I taught my grandpa a thing or two about blowing bubbles as well, and my mother. I became a bubble blowing celebrity for blowing super huge bubbles consistently.

Look how gosh damned proud I am of that thing. You may've built an orphanage with your bare hands in some 3rd world country, but look at the size of that bubble! Look how amazed my grandfather is by its sheer awesomeness. Can you blame either of us? It's pretty fraking impressive.

When Jaiden ran out of bubbles little Bill poured some of his into Jaiden's container. Of course with all the grace of a four year old he also poured them all over the porch. Despite that it was really cute. Jaiden says, "Thank you, Bill." and little Bill says, "You're welcome!" Did I mention cute?

I'm almost finished packing. I'll be headed back to Illinois at around 8am today for another week or so. I think I'll only take a couple of books with me this time. Lighten my luggage a little. I will still bring two weeks worth of clothes, just in case I have to stay a full two additional weeks. And my laptop of course. Though internet there is severely lacking, I can't imagine not bothering to try.

Also, this time I won't forget pants. Those are important.

Length really depends on how treatment goes. It's not a vacation, afterall. No matter how much fun I allude to having. I've already got two weeks worth of adjustments under my belt, so I may only need a week's worth on top of that. Unless things aren't as they should be, again, in which case it'll be a full two weeks on top of the previous two weeks. For a total of four weeks. i r gudd @ math.

I'm very tired today. It's sunny but looks like it may rain a little. Hopefully I can manage to sleep in the car along the way. It's a billion hour drive, you'd think sleeping through Indiana at least would be easy. Because it's several hours of absolutely nothing. Yet I always remain awake and bored the whole way. I don't know who I'm kidding. I'll more than likely remain awake this time too.

I am supposed to finish killing monsters tonight at 8pm, or rather 7pm where I'll be. I say that here in hopes I won't forget. Monday is not a typical monster-slayin' day, you see. Hopefully I can find a signal reliable enough go. I do so enjoy killing ferocious monsters. Yes, for the less astute, I'm talking about video games again.

And now that I have sufficiently pushed that envelope as far as it'll go. I'm off. To Illinois with me!

Edit: I arrived safely. Once again. As opposed to dangerously.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Lord of The Soup

I'm back and awake now. Kind of. Many biopsies were taken and some bad things revealed but we won't know more until the results of the biopsies are back in a week or so. Well, we know the bad things but they could be worse things.  I may be in Illinois by then. Actually I know I'll be in Illinois by then. If treatment isn't advised to wait I'll have to undergo it there. I won't worry you until anything is known for certain.

They were careful with me though.  Even gave me a, "Hey don't kill the patient." bracelet. Which I cannot get off of myself. Someone halp.

Seriously, help me.
My doctor was a comical rotund man. Able to easily tell how nervous I was, he joked with me about the name of the company who makes the numbing spray for the throat. Beuttlich. He kept calling them Buttlick. Says it used to say, "Great tasting!" on the canister but they had to take it off because it tastes so awful. It was pretty terrible. After that I remember the nurse saying she was going to administer the drug into my IV, then nothing.

Let me say something just now. Thank goodness for spell check.

I'm so doped right now. I feel like I am on a boat, but I am not on a boat. I don't even have my flippy floppies. It's so quiet today and all I can eat is soup. I have mushroom soup because I'm so very hungry. I need water though because I'm thirsty. I think I had some. You know what's kind of sad? When Gandalf realizes Saruman is really and truly a bad guy now. He's like: D:

The Day

The sun has made it's appearance, it's overcast, likely to rain. Just how I like it. I've removed all of my jewelry. Today is the day. Esohagogastroduodenoscopy: The scope test. I won't lie, it's sat like a shadow on the horizon of fun for the last few weeks. I'll be happy to see it done and over with.

I'm not concerned with the procedure. Pain before, after, or during -- I deal rather well with that sort of thing. My concern is the anesthesia. I'm hyper sensitive to nearly all forms of it and have had alerting reactions in the past. Turning 2 hour procedures into 4 hours. 6 hour procedures into 12 hours. And so on and so forth.

At least all of that is known by now. It won't be as shocking as the first time it happened. Ideally the doctors will be prepared for just such a thing. When it comes to big scary tests or surgeries, it's strangely never the task at hand that I get nervous about. It's ironically the drugs given to make the deal less worrisome that make me worry.

If you consider the quiet reservation of a Terminator actual worry.

I am so hungry. So thirsty. Mostly starving though. I don't know when I'll be awake or when I'll be home if they decide to keep me, but I do know my first conscious request is going to be food. Whatever it is I'm brought, its likely to be the tastiest thing ever. True hunger makes everything good.

My chariot awaits! I'll see you all later. I'm apt to be pretty loopy for a while. Just as a heads up.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Like Sugar & Spice

"I'm sure you must be weary, dear, with soaring up so high;
    Will you rest upon my little bed?" said the Spider to the Fly.
    "There are pretty curtains drawn around, the sheets are fine and thin;
    And if you like to rest awhile, I'll snugly tuck you in!"
    "Oh no, no," said the little Fly, "for I've often heard it said
    They never, never wake again, who sleep upon your bed!"

I'm in Ohio again now. Safe and sound in Inaritown. Although there was a flash flood on the highway and we almost fishtailed into doom. Avoided that by the skin of our teeth, yes sir. Illinois was uneventful. Indiana was painfully uneventful. The moment we passed over the Ohio border a hell storm came on us. In an abandon all hope ye who enter here sort of way!

Luckily I carry extra hope.

Now I sit, cozily, on stable internet having many glasses of celebratory whiskey. My insides aren't liquefied, you see. That is something worth celebrating. Actually the majority of you are like to have not gotten that reference, so never-you-mind! Who needs a reason for celebration anyway? Pants off dance off, bitches.

I go back in like a week for an additional week or two, so I have to make good on my time here. No art. No reading. Just internet before it's suckallite again. Although hospitalization for this upcoming test may take me away for a day or more. We'll see. Last time they sedated me my heart decided not to beat, so they kept me extra days. Hopefully not this time, since they are well aware now of the sensitivity to crap injected into my veins and thus shouldn't use so much crap.

Anyhow, less typing, more celebrating!

The Return to Internets

I just finished packing. Last minute, I know. I got myself preoccupied last night (read: fell asleep) though I did complete the brunt of it then. All that's left is to eat some breakfast and get into the car for eight hours. Then I'll be in Ohio on slightly more reliable internet. Once I best Indiana again.

I exaggerate. The internet in Ohio is leaps and bounds better than the internet in space. Ironically I fell asleep last night watching Nova, Spacespies. Despite how you read that it was not a special about Space Pies but espionage. I made the same mistake.

It won't be long before someone comes to fetch me, so I'll have to make this short. I have been sitting in front of this computer for less than three minutes but if they find me here, it'll be the computer's fault. It won't be, "You've spent the last thirty minutes packing because you fell asleep last night." It'll be, "You're going to be late because you're online!"

I have impeccable timing, unless drunk or unconscious, so if I'm late it's more than likely going to be something else's fault. Like traffic, or the apocalypse. But I digress (I do that a lot to prevent tangents).

Sometimes people wonder why I always always take a minute to write before I travel anyplace far. First of all, why the hell not? Second of all, to make sure I said something before venturing out into world land. Should anything happen to me. Just in case, you understand. I don't want the very last thing anyone's heard from me to be a rant about potatoes or something. So...

To those of you in Illinois: It's been fun!
To those of you in Ohio: See you soon!
To those of you in Florida: It'll still be a while!
To the Internets: obebe

Sunday, September 6, 2009

So If You're Lonely

You know I'm here waiting for you!


I have discovered there is no chance of internet in the Sparrow Room unless I arrange things just-so. Laptop on Southern edge of bed, chair pulled to the side. Cellphone and both of the TV remotes to the left of the laptop, anywhere else won't do. Hearing Aid on the far nightstand -- never in my ear. Then and only then I might have a chance at getting online in this room that has been my home away from home for two weeks.

Sometimes I have better luck in other rooms, or at the pier, but this is the room I've taken as my own. Thus this is the one I'd prefer to lurk in. Determined as I am, I force Internets where I want them and tend to occupy my time with else when I cannot, rather than retreat to a different location.

An Inari never retreats, never surrenders!

Not that I didn't know finding internet here would be a challenge. That I would be scarce. My two day's here before my little brother's wedding proved insightful enough that I brought an army of books, pens, and paper with me. To give myself something to do when I wasn't off running around to random places in Illinois.

I was entertaining the thought of giving clues as to what I've been working on sketch-wise, but have decided I'd rather leave you in anticipation. I have been drawing on a lot of past ideas and concepts that've been floating in my brain, with a lack of time or internet for new inspirations. Maybe that is hint enough for some of you. Have I said too much!?

I start every day reading for a couple of hours on the lake at the end of the pier. Then depending on the weather, I may also sketch there. Overcast I stay, sunny I go back indoors. Most people would think I have that backwards, but I'm not most people. Then my grandfather and I usually go off on some adventure together. The mall, the butterfly gardens, a movie, the zoo, the city, who knows? But at the end of every day we sneak off to have an icecream sundae together at this little homely place down the road. Reminds me of being a kid.

Some of the people I'm introduced to here have heard so much about me from my grandfather or uncle that they bow to me in greeting. It's a riot. Odd and a little awkward, but funny. And no one calls me by name, I'm called by title wherever I go. If I didn't recall it from childhood, I would probably overlook that they're talking to/about me.

Every evening we watch a movie together, my grandfather and I. Last night we watched Gran Tarino. Good film, not that you expect less from Clint Eastwood. Maybe a little more striking to those of us from the area the film is set in. I grew up there. All around there, actually, with as much as I moved. Tonight we watched Attack of the Puppet People. A movie from 1957, if memory serves. If I were online I'd google it to be sure, but I'm not.

Speaking of the internet, AIM has been notifying me recently that I'm logged on from two or more locations. It does that for the record. Lets you know if someone is logging on as you from elsewhere. I have to keep notifying AIM to sign me off anyplace else other than Illinois. This means one of two things: someone or something has turned on my other laptop in Ohio or someone or something is using my computer in Florida. Stop that, if it's intentional. If it's unintentional, someone with thumbs (read: not my cat) turn off my computers!

I return to Ohio on Tuesday evening because I have a doctor's appointment there on the 10th. The dreaded test I don't look forward to. You know the one. My aunt and uncle believe I should come back to Illinois sometime after that, but when will depend on how I am feeling after this test and the scheduling of appointments there afterward. We'll see.

The internet was never found last night and much to my dismay I cannot find a signal this morning either. So here I sit, offline, writing more to this entry as I paint my nails. Clear polish with silver glitter, in case you were wondering. In sunlight it turns ruby red like the ruby slippers from The Wizard of Oz.

My hip hurts today something fierce. I could barely climb out of bed. A dull ache like a fracture accompanied by a sharp pain at times like it's out of place. "How would you hurt your hip?" you may wonder, since I've done absolutely nothing to it. To which I say, "Recall I am the girl who broke a bone in her foot watching Heroes." Sometimes random crap just happens to me. It can't be explained. Luckily I'm in the perfect place for such a problem.

Freaking ow-face.

Stubbornly I rarely admit pain and insisted on showering and getting ready for the day despite it. I've a high threshold so I know if it's actually bothering me at all it's probably something bad -- but I try to shrug it off anyway. At least I admit my faults! I will give in and tell someone as soon as they aren't so busy.

They got a new refrigerator and have spent the majority of this morning moving the old one out of the way. A difficult chore since it had been built in to the fixtures of the kitchen some 10 years past. Not that I'm in any rush. I always hold out on pain, hoping it will magically go away before I'm forced to face it. Like a female Black Knight. It's probably just out of place, I convince myself, in which case it's simply a matter of adjusting it back in. The benefit of not only having a renown chiropractor in your family, but chancing to be at her house.

On the topic of family, I've decided mine is trying to sell me off. Since my arrival I've been meeting rich people's young attractive sons. By meeting, I of course mean forcibly introduced, not at random or want. My grandfather wishes for me to marry a strapping young millionaire business man who resembles a young tan Clark Kent. My uncle prefers I wed the rebel romantic heir in a rock band, meriting the qualities of a romantic long term over the reliable business minded guy. My uncle and grandfather will debate this amongst themselves endlessly, even if I'm in the room. Have I ever mentioned how thankful I am arranged marriages aren't generally accepted in this part of the world anymore?

I am.

Not that either boy is uncharismatic or unattractive (obligatory disclaimer). Certainly. However, in my opinion, nothing is more important than sharing interests in common. I've seen relationships built on money, or physical appeal and I've seen the outcome. They end and usually not very well. Because they are shallow things and puddles always dry up. I'd rather be poor and happy than wealthy and unfulfilled. Of course you could have both, if you're lucky, but both isn't needed. I went far more into that than originally planned. Ho hum.

I actually managed to sleep in past 11am today. No matter what hour I fall asleep, I always wake before 11am. I have no idea why. My grandpa was amazed all the ruckus they were causing with the kitchen didn't wake me. Deaf. Hello? That's the best thing about it, I can sleep through just about anything. This is like the longest blog ever, I'm tempted to venture into the Monarch Room simply for your benefit before it's something you'll have to sit down with a meal to finish in it's entirety lest you starve midway.

P.S. In regards to my hip, tender and sore, but she fixed it. If only everything were so easy. This is where someone makes a joke about promiscuity.