Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Dreaming of My Own 3DS

Last night I had a pretty interesting dream. Lately I've been playing Pokemon X, however I lack my own 3DS so I've been using Aaron's. This means we must divide our time playing, he gets the 3DS at night and I get it during the day. Sometimes however, I'd like to continue playing even though it's his turn and vice versa. It's not a problem or anything, just a thing but it is an important footnote in this dream.

In my dream Aaron surprises me by taking me to Game Stop when I thought we were on our way to the grocery store. He explains that his punchole card has all the holes punched out so we'll get a discount and then we can both have our very own 3DS! Apparently in my dream Game Stop operates much like Subway in the 90's where every time you buy a sub they punch your card, and you earn a free meal at the end. Only video games.

So we walk into Game Stop which is easily the largest video game store I've ever been into in my dream. It has a large show room, plentiful shelves, a balcony, the counter is more like a kiosk, and one entire wall is a movie screen playing films like old Block Busters. And they don't just sell games, oh no. One whole corner of the store is filled with home decor like a Pier 1. It gets stranger.

We approach the kiosk where a worker circles around holding what appears to be a perch and a bird swing. Somehow I failed to notice they have a store pet behind the counter -- it's a macaw. How I didn't notice a giant brightly colored parrot, I've no idea, but there it is in all its majesty. Aaron explains why we're there and the guy is pumped to sell us a 3DS. He opens a large glass display case and pulls out at least a dozen sleek black boxes. Aaron sits on the floor, despite the fully furnished area nearby, and begins opening each and every box, turning on the 3DS, and testing it out.

There are 3DS's of every color and size. There are also a number of special editions such as a golden Zelda 3DS, a white and red Pokemon 3DS, and a super high sheen silver Shining Force 3DS. When I see this I'm like, "Whoa, Shining Force is on the 3DS?!"

But the clerk says, "No." Which is just confusing because why would there be a special edition console for a game that's not on that system? That's just rude.

As Aaron continues testing out all of the 3DS's I wander off. For some reason I gravitate towards the home decor section and am browsing aimlessly when I encounter a young woman. She has dark hair and looks rather mousy. She's wearing a frumpy skirt and at least two sweaters over a plain tee shirt. She remarks how she always buys things she doesn't need here and I admit to the same thing, jokingly relaying a story about how I once bought a basket because I was sure I needed it for something. I then explain how once I got the basket home I realized I had absolutely no use for yet another basket so I gave it away to a friend only to come to the conclusion that it would've been the perfect size for my art pencils once it was gone. Silly me. She laughs, I laugh, and then I return to see how Aaron is progressing.

He has made a decision! He has purchased for me the special edition Shining Force 3DS because he figures I will appreciate it, even for its oddity. He hands it to me to 'test drive' and I discover that it's come with a free copy of Shin Megami Tensei. This has me psyched because I'd always heard good things about the Shin Megami Tensei series but had yet the pleasure of playing it. I meander about while loading it up and Aaron returns to the kiosk to haggle over the price. Because that's a valid tactic in my dream.

I encounter the woman from earlier and she tells me that I must see something. She leads me up a flight of stairs to the balcony which overlooks the store's showroom. It's actually kind of a cool sight. As I'm looking over the floor I hear her say behind me, "Pupils." I turn, confused, and she's just sort of staring at me until... her pupils slide together into one big pupil in the middle of her face and then divide back into two and pour out of her eyes like tears onto her skin. Before long she is covered in pupils and then they collapse into a pile on the floor.

I'm like, "Holy shit, what?!" And the pupils begin to float and propel themselves at me. I begin dodging them and run back down the stairs. At the bottom they converge into a single form and in the next instant she's just a girl again. I stare wide eyed and cautious, she is utterly oblivious. I turn to make my way back to Aaron and no sooner than I do, do I hear it again, "Pupils."

I cast a glance over my shoulder and sure enough it's happening again. This time they don't fall into a pile and come at me individually though, they collect into a single huge pupil and come at me. It's really, really bizarre. I'm running through the store when... I'm awoken by Aaron who needs me to help him administer medicine to the cat.

No ending for you guys.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

3000 Diapers Later

One year ago yesterday we welcomed Jude into the world. It seems crazy that it has been a year already. Though the first four months (what I lovingly refer to as The Gauntlet) dragged on relentlessly, the months after that seemed to go by faster and faster. There were a lot of firsts, for all of us!

The hospital I delivered at sent me this email, "Congratulations! You've made it through your first twelve months together. In the past year, you've changed at least 3,000 diapers and lost about 350 hours of sleep!" Holy cow.

I would like to extend a very heartfelt thanks to those of you who have helped us during these first twelve months. Whether you sent gifts, donated clothing/toys/funds, offered advise, babysat for a couple of hours, comforted me when I hadn't slept for a week straight, or just sent well wises. Your contributions, no matter how small you may've thought they were, mean the world to me and words cannot do my thankfulness justice.

Hopefully I won't forget anyone, but if I do, know that it's probably sleep deprivation and the fact that I've had to wrestle Jude away from the laptop at least six times while type this and I only started four minutes ago. If you don't see your name, I apologize sincerely.

In no particular order:

Emerylde B., Eileen U., Papa, Jim U. & Marilyn, Kristen B., Donna P., Milena P., Josh A., Ryan D., Will D., Helene S., Rose T., Morgan P., Heidi S. & Christian Z., Holly G., Eric S., Bob W., Jeri B., Mandy M., Amanda P., Sarah B., Tiffani R., KJ P., Arlene H. & Kurt H., Melina B., Sierra D.

Thank you.

Sunday, October 6, 2013

A Dream of Milk

I had an interesting dream last night, somewhat based on fact, I guess? In breast milk exists a hormone that helps to pacify babies. This is why many nursing babies will pass out after nursing for a time whereas many formula fed babies may not fall asleep at all unless they're actually tired. This is the same for all animals, including cows.

In my dream this fact was being exploited through a strong pro dairy campaign to pacify the citizens of the world. Not to make them completely docile (Serenity, anyone?), as that's not much use, but to control them to a lesser degree by making them more slothful and apathetic to what takes place around them. In my dream hippies who drank soy milk weren't drinking soy milk because they were hippies but were hippies because they weren't drinking cow's milk. Mind = blown. I know. Of course by 'hippie' I mean nonconformist/anti-establishment, not that guy you know who sits in his boxers all day, doesn't wash his hair, and smokes more pot than he breathes oxygen. That guy isn't a hippie, he's just dirty and lazy.

It was a cool 1984 kind of dream but it actually made me wonder, not if humans are being controlled by dairy consumption -- as that's fucking crazy, but if that really has something to do with why some people are so gung ho about cow's milk despite research indicating it actually isn't all that good for you and tastes like gross. Despite popular belief, you can get calcium and vitamin D from a variety of other sources.

Cow's milk, for the record, tastes absolutely nothing like human breast milk. By comparison it's very sour. Which makes sense since we're, you know, two completely unrelated mammals. Personally, I can't stand the taste of milk on its own, yet other people seem to LOVE it. No, not just enjoy it but LOVE it. Which makes me wonder if perhaps humans do only enjoy cow's milk for the calming affect of this hormone and not the taste at all? Kind of like how people enjoy smoking cigarettes despite the fact that they taste like ass. When you first try it, you hate it just like everyone else, but the more you drink it the more you like it. Only most people started drinking milk so young they never remember hating it.

Food for thought!
No pun intended.

Friday, October 4, 2013

Sacagawea Dollars

Original dollar.
Back in 2000 my grandfather, an avid coin collector, gave me a freshly minted Sacagawea dollar. I carried it with me everywhere like a lucky penny. Not so much for luck, really, but because it made me think of my grandfather who I love dearly.

Later that year they released a collector's edition of the coin featuring a hand painted Sacagawea. My grandfather of course ordered one. Upon seeing it, he knew it was too funny not to get me one also. And thus he presented to me the whitest Sacagawea ever.

Painted dollar.
True Fact: Lewis and Clark's journals mention Sacagawea by name seventeen times, spelled eight different ways. Clark used Sahkahgarwea, Sahcahgagwea, Sarcargahwea and Sahcahgahweah, while Lewis used Sahcahgahwea, Sahcahgarweah, Sahcargarweah and Sahcahgar Wea. Because that is how a Lewis and Clark do.