Monday, May 19, 2014

One of Those Days

Yesterday was great. We got up a little early, got ready, and went out for big family breakfast. Afterward we shopped at the Asian market and went back to Eileen's house, where we spent the day. Jude even took a nap there. It was a lot of fun.

Today? Not so much. First, I woke up in the middle of the night to pee only to realize, oh, hey period. I haven't gotten one in over four months thanks to my IUD, so it was completely unexpected and instead of just getting out of bed, peeing, and going back to bed without actually having to wake up... I had to wake up. I hadn't slept great to begin with, so the waste of time was dually unappreciated.

I woke up tired, more than usual, and we got off to a slow start. There was a tentative plan to go to the park, but as time stretched on it became clearer and clearer that it wouldn't be a possibility. The internet was being shitty and there was no Sesame Street to watch during breakfast. This meant breakfast lasted forever as Jude spent the majority of the time complaining that Sesame Street wasn't on when it should be on.

It certainly didn't help matters at all that he's cutting his last two teeth and there isn't a whole lot to be done for him. Since he has all of his other teeth things like teething rings can't get to the gum where they need to. My tactic has thus far just been to distract him from the discomfort, but he was having a particularly difficult go of it today. Very fussy. Really picky about eating. The only thing he would eat for breakfast was a granola bar.

I wanted to tidy up the house today, but it's kind of important to have my mp3 player for that (for agitation reasons). But lo' and behold, I cannot find it anywhere. It's not where I always keep it. It's not anywhere around where I always keep it, and having checked the entirety of the house, it appears no longer exist.

By now it's lunch time, so I set to getting that ready, get distracted, burn the toast. Start on toast number two and Jude just devolves into endless tears. He's crying in the corner, he's crying in my arms, he's crying with juice, he's crying as he runs around the house and throws himself on the floor. Just, perpetual crying. I finally get lunch put together and get Jude in the high chair only to discover now the internet isn't just shitty, it's out entirely.

Jude has resigned himself to just shed tears silently as whining has not worked in magically getting the internet working again. I put in the Elmo DVD my mom sent him and that ends the tears immediately. Thank goodness. His teeth still hurt though so he won't eat his lunch.

I go to get him a bit of infant Tylenol only to discover the old bottle has finally been used up. So I open the new box but the syringe doesn't quite seem to fit into the hole properly. So I have to use a little elbow grease and as I'm pressing the tip into the hole the entire plug gives way and snaps off. The plug is now inside the bottle even though it is larger than the neck of the bottle. Yes, it has defied physics. I've also cut my finger open because apparently without the built-in-plug, the neck of the bottle is dangerously sharp. Ow.

I extract a dose of Tylenol but Jude doesn't want to take it, I'm bleeding pretty badly so I just let him brood over his lunch while I go clean out my wound. I walk back into the living room from the hallway once I've got the cut cleaned and bandaged and instantly smash all of my toes and the side of my foot at full speed into the chair. Like, oh my god, can I get a break?

It has been over thirty minutes and Jude has eaten a fourth of a piece of toast and has absolutely no inclination to eat anything else on his tray, including the remainder of the toast. I give him a while longer and then take him back into the nursery for nap time. At the absolute very least he slept easily. I decided my best bet for the afternoon would just be to take a nap too. Even if I found my mp3 player I can't do even half of the things I had planned to. Definitely no wet or chemical cleaning.

I lay down and literally no sooner than I do, Jude's up from his nap. I get up, with a sudden terrible headache, and get supper ready. Ibuprofen does literally nothing for my headache. Now after two, not after four. So I resign myself to just be in pain forever today. Jude of course doesn't eat any of his dinner and I spend the majority of the time getting up to retrieve food off of the floor.

It's hotter inside than outside so I open up the balcony only to remember that last time I opened the balcony a planter had been upended so there's dirt everywhere. I sweep it all up and then can't find the freaking dust pan. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Finally hunt down the stupid thing and clean up the dirt. The cat wants to eat the lilies. I poke her gently with the broom, "stop eating the lilies." She still wants to eat the lilies. I poke her again, "stop eating the lilies." She still wants to eat the lilies. This back and forth goes on for a ridiculous amount of time before I just chase her back into the house. Jude gets out and immediate upends another planter.

Then he crawls under the grill. It's adorable but there is a hornet's nest under there. I really wish he wouldn't be under there. He isn't coming when I call him. I'm deathly allergic to hornets, I cannot move the grill or crawl under it to get him out without literally putting my life at risk.

Like, my goodness, half of these problems could have been avoided if the internet hadn't been out. The other half if I could've just found my frelling mp3 player. Ugh.

I feel sometimes when I vent about a bad day that I should just take out all structure and punctuation and make it one big crappy wall of text to suit the mood.

Friday, May 16, 2014

Ideal Wedding

Someone asked me recently what my ideal wedding was and I had to actually stop and think, because I wasn't sure. I know what the dream wedding is supposed to be, but I don't I want that. So I started to really think about it and it got me to looking back on what my ideal wedding was at various points in time, which was pretty funny and kind of embarrassing.

Age 5
I will be on a pony and the pony will match my dress (which I guess means it'll be a white pony). My dress will be a giant upside-down cala lily, but also pearls (whatever that means). All of the girls in attendance will be dressed as ballerinas and do ballet (when they aren't sitting) and all of the boys will be dressed like knights. A T-rex will officiate the wedding and my mom will hold the book and turn the pages in it for him (because T-rex has tiny arms). We'll get married at Rainbow Brite's house.

Age 8
We'll probably all be wearing space suits because my wedding takes place on Mars. Because surely by the time I'm an adult we'll have sent people to Mars. Captain Picard will officiate (not Patrick Stewart, but Jean Luc Picard). I'll be marrying Dominic, my best friend from a city we lived in two years ago but haven't seen since. My wedding ring will have a sparrow on it because an pigeon would be too big (okay?). As I walk down the aisle they'll play Hail to the Chief rather than Here Comes the Bride (because I don't know the difference).

Age 10
My wedding will take place at a castle. It will be such a fairy tale wedding that actual fairies will show up. I'll be getting married to Meatloaf. He will write a rock opera about it. My dog will give me away. My grandpa will officiate. My dress will "be like Cindarella's but prettier." My brother isn't allowed to attend. Afterward we will move into the castle as king and queen (I don't think I understood how royalty works).

Age 13
I'll marry an smart musician alongside my best friend who will marry a handsome doctor. She'll wear gold and red and I'll wear silver and blue, and the wedding will be held in a forest. Her dad will walk her down the aisle and my grandpa will walk me down the aisle. My ring will be silver with have a crescent moon on it and her ring will be gold with a sun on it. Afterwards we'll both move to New York with our husbands and join Broadway. I guess it's good that one of us will be marrying a doctor, then.

Age 15
I plan to elope with some unforeseeable future mystery man who likes all the same things I do. My teenage brain is even less great at planning than my child brain because I have absolutely no specifics in mind other than the fact that we're going to run away together. I don't think I understood that after eloping, people usually came back.

Age 18
In the rare chance I decide to get married, it'll be an autumn wedding, so decorations will be minimal as not to distract from those provided by nature. We'll use my grandmother's wedding ring.

Age 20
Whatever my grandfather will pay for. I don't want anything too big or fancy, but my family may want that experience. So if they do, they can by all means have at it. It's my day, but I'm the only person in my biological family under the age of 40 (aside from my brother who eloped), so... there's a little pressure. My dress will be corseted and have dag sleeves; white, embroidered with a few garnets on the trim; probably custom tailored. An outdoor wedding when the weather is cool would be preferred.

Now
Basically still 20. I'd like it small though, if I can get away with it. Just our parents, my grandfather, a few close friends. I'd rather spend the money on something lasting, like a house, than a single day of celebration, tbh.

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

What I Was Doing In School (Hint: Not Schoolwork)



A childhood friend just sent me this photo of a picture and story I drew/wrote for her when we were children. Presented otherwise without commentary.