Sunday, July 13, 2014
House Guests and Belly Dancing
This week our friend Lauren came to stay with us from Florida. It was the first time we got to hang out together face-to-face. We introduced her to real ramen, homemade macaroni and cheese, pho, antique hunting, the wonderment of the State Fair, Magic: The Gathering, The Fifth Element, Moroccan dining, Arkham Horror, good wine, and Denny's. Amongst other things. Merriment was had by all. There are photographs, but for some reason I cannot find any of them right now.
Friday, May 16, 2014
Ideal Wedding
Someone asked me recently what my ideal wedding was and I had to actually stop and think, because I wasn't sure. I know what the dream wedding is supposed to be, but I don't I want that. So I started to really think about it and it got me to looking back on what my ideal wedding was at various points in time, which was pretty funny and kind of embarrassing.
Age 5
I will be on a pony and the pony will match my dress (which I guess means it'll be a white pony). My dress will be a giant upside-down cala lily, but also pearls (whatever that means). All of the girls in attendance will be dressed as ballerinas and do ballet (when they aren't sitting) and all of the boys will be dressed like knights. A T-rex will officiate the wedding and my mom will hold the book and turn the pages in it for him (because T-rex has tiny arms). We'll get married at Rainbow Brite's house.
Age 8
We'll probably all be wearing space suits because my wedding takes place on Mars. Because surely by the time I'm an adult we'll have sent people to Mars. Captain Picard will officiate (not Patrick Stewart, but Jean Luc Picard). I'll be marrying Dominic, my best friend from a city we lived in two years ago but haven't seen since. My wedding ring will have a sparrow on it because an pigeon would be too big (okay?). As I walk down the aisle they'll play Hail to the Chief rather than Here Comes the Bride (because I don't know the difference).
Age 10
My wedding will take place at a castle. It will be such a fairy tale wedding that actual fairies will show up. I'll be getting married to Meatloaf. He will write a rock opera about it. My dog will give me away. My grandpa will officiate. My dress will "be like Cindarella's but prettier." My brother isn't allowed to attend. Afterward we will move into the castle as king and queen (I don't think I understood how royalty works).
Age 13
I'll marry an smart musician alongside my best friend who will marry a handsome doctor. She'll wear gold and red and I'll wear silver and blue, and the wedding will be held in a forest. Her dad will walk her down the aisle and my grandpa will walk me down the aisle. My ring will be silver with have a crescent moon on it and her ring will be gold with a sun on it. Afterwards we'll both move to New York with our husbands and join Broadway. I guess it's good that one of us will be marrying a doctor, then.
Age 15
I plan to elope with some unforeseeable future mystery man who likes all the same things I do. My teenage brain is even less great at planning than my child brain because I have absolutely no specifics in mind other than the fact that we're going to run away together. I don't think I understood that after eloping, people usually came back.
Age 18
In the rare chance I decide to get married, it'll be an autumn wedding, so decorations will be minimal as not to distract from those provided by nature. We'll use my grandmother's wedding ring.
Age 20
Whatever my grandfather will pay for. I don't want anything too big or fancy, but my family may want that experience. So if they do, they can by all means have at it. It's my day, but I'm the only person in my biological family under the age of 40 (aside from my brother who eloped), so... there's a little pressure. My dress will be corseted and have dag sleeves; white, embroidered with a few garnets on the trim; probably custom tailored. An outdoor wedding when the weather is cool would be preferred.
Now
Basically still 20. I'd like it small though, if I can get away with it. Just our parents, my grandfather, a few close friends. I'd rather spend the money on something lasting, like a house, than a single day of celebration, tbh.
Age 5
I will be on a pony and the pony will match my dress (which I guess means it'll be a white pony). My dress will be a giant upside-down cala lily, but also pearls (whatever that means). All of the girls in attendance will be dressed as ballerinas and do ballet (when they aren't sitting) and all of the boys will be dressed like knights. A T-rex will officiate the wedding and my mom will hold the book and turn the pages in it for him (because T-rex has tiny arms). We'll get married at Rainbow Brite's house.
Age 8
We'll probably all be wearing space suits because my wedding takes place on Mars. Because surely by the time I'm an adult we'll have sent people to Mars. Captain Picard will officiate (not Patrick Stewart, but Jean Luc Picard). I'll be marrying Dominic, my best friend from a city we lived in two years ago but haven't seen since. My wedding ring will have a sparrow on it because an pigeon would be too big (okay?). As I walk down the aisle they'll play Hail to the Chief rather than Here Comes the Bride (because I don't know the difference).
Age 10
My wedding will take place at a castle. It will be such a fairy tale wedding that actual fairies will show up. I'll be getting married to Meatloaf. He will write a rock opera about it. My dog will give me away. My grandpa will officiate. My dress will "be like Cindarella's but prettier." My brother isn't allowed to attend. Afterward we will move into the castle as king and queen (I don't think I understood how royalty works).
Age 13
I'll marry an smart musician alongside my best friend who will marry a handsome doctor. She'll wear gold and red and I'll wear silver and blue, and the wedding will be held in a forest. Her dad will walk her down the aisle and my grandpa will walk me down the aisle. My ring will be silver with have a crescent moon on it and her ring will be gold with a sun on it. Afterwards we'll both move to New York with our husbands and join Broadway. I guess it's good that one of us will be marrying a doctor, then.
Age 15
I plan to elope with some unforeseeable future mystery man who likes all the same things I do. My teenage brain is even less great at planning than my child brain because I have absolutely no specifics in mind other than the fact that we're going to run away together. I don't think I understood that after eloping, people usually came back.
Age 18
In the rare chance I decide to get married, it'll be an autumn wedding, so decorations will be minimal as not to distract from those provided by nature. We'll use my grandmother's wedding ring.
Age 20
Whatever my grandfather will pay for. I don't want anything too big or fancy, but my family may want that experience. So if they do, they can by all means have at it. It's my day, but I'm the only person in my biological family under the age of 40 (aside from my brother who eloped), so... there's a little pressure. My dress will be corseted and have dag sleeves; white, embroidered with a few garnets on the trim; probably custom tailored. An outdoor wedding when the weather is cool would be preferred.
Now
Basically still 20. I'd like it small though, if I can get away with it. Just our parents, my grandfather, a few close friends. I'd rather spend the money on something lasting, like a house, than a single day of celebration, tbh.
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
What I Was Doing In School (Hint: Not Schoolwork)
A childhood friend just sent me this photo of a picture and story I drew/wrote for her when we were children. Presented otherwise without commentary.
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Autism and Emotions
Disclaimer: I use a lot of 'old timey' terms because when I was diagnosed and raised these were the words used. I understand now it's just a Spectrum and you fall somewhere on it like the colors in a rainbow and it's all very lovely.
There is a common misunderstanding that since most Autistic people aren't very good with displaying emotions (without appropriate therapy) that they don't experience as many or experience them as much. That, because they don't smile or scowl as frequently as other people might, that they aren't as frequently happy or angry. Truth is, for most Autistic people the opposite is true. They experience emotion on a level above that of the normal person. Think of the way other animals experience smell or hearing superior to man's -- they're the same exact senses, just more intense.
Theses are the same exact emotions, just more intense.
Sometimes emotions are so intense it's like being in a dark room and then someone turns on a really bright light. Have you ever wondered why something as simple as interrupting an Autistic person's schedule can cause such palpable distress or frustration? It's not that something so minor is such a big deal. They may even know it's not. It's that the distress they feel and perceive, is felt more. So if you have an ounce of fear, they have a whole cup. You just may not be able to see it as readily on their faces or through their actions. How to portray an emotion is, after all, an acquired skill for many HFA people. And let's not forget, if you've been trained to show it you also know how not to show it... so sometimes though it might seem the Autistic person can carry on despite how they are actually feeling, deep down they are feeling it just the same.
We've become experts at compartmentalizing.
This is probably the key to my mastery of my own emotions (secret's out). If we are desperately sad but have a deadline to meet, we'll meet it regardless. We'll package up that sorrow for later and continue on even though deep down we're already weeping. This is a thing that happens everyday for Autistic people. Perhaps it's joy instead of sadness, or anger rather than either, but we'll do our best to get through the day without letting it impact what needs to be done. This is why sometimes you may think an emotional outburst is random or out of the blue -- it's not, it's just been delayed. Hours, days, perhaps weeks, but there is a direct cause.
This has been difficult for me lately.
A combination of hormones and stress have added up so that recently my compartments have gotten a little full. I've been trying slowly but steadily to unload them but it doesn't always go so well when people don't expect you, the Vulcan master of all people, to become an emotional wreck right before their very eyes. Or when, by their perception, they don't understand how or why it is even happening. It isn't something easy to explain. Trying to is cumbersome and clumsy under ideal circumstances, and if in attempting to do so you're bombarded with yet more emotions... a meltdown is inevitable as then not only are you overwhelmed but whomever you're confessing to is undoubtedly irritated. Sometimes our only response is to shut down completely, because it's really way too much to cope with at the time.
It's like trying to add more water to a glass that's already full, with a power hose.
If I have been distant lately, this is why. If I have come to you with a complaint you hadn't expected, this is why. Believe me when I say, it's probably not particularly anything you did or didn't do and I really don't want you to fix anything. I like you just the way you are or I wouldn't have you in my life. Understand I just need to unload every now and again. So if I say something like, "I didn't like the way you ended our last email correspondence," don't feel obligated to explain why you ended it how you did, or even offer to make sure to end it better next time, or get mad because you thought you had ended it just fine. I don't want or expect any of that, I just thought, you know, you should know.
That's all.
I'm not making excuses if I've been curt or anything. I'm just explaining why that may have happened because it is a legitimate problem and I am not a perfect being.
There is a common misunderstanding that since most Autistic people aren't very good with displaying emotions (without appropriate therapy) that they don't experience as many or experience them as much. That, because they don't smile or scowl as frequently as other people might, that they aren't as frequently happy or angry. Truth is, for most Autistic people the opposite is true. They experience emotion on a level above that of the normal person. Think of the way other animals experience smell or hearing superior to man's -- they're the same exact senses, just more intense.
Theses are the same exact emotions, just more intense.
Sometimes emotions are so intense it's like being in a dark room and then someone turns on a really bright light. Have you ever wondered why something as simple as interrupting an Autistic person's schedule can cause such palpable distress or frustration? It's not that something so minor is such a big deal. They may even know it's not. It's that the distress they feel and perceive, is felt more. So if you have an ounce of fear, they have a whole cup. You just may not be able to see it as readily on their faces or through their actions. How to portray an emotion is, after all, an acquired skill for many HFA people. And let's not forget, if you've been trained to show it you also know how not to show it... so sometimes though it might seem the Autistic person can carry on despite how they are actually feeling, deep down they are feeling it just the same.
We've become experts at compartmentalizing.
This is probably the key to my mastery of my own emotions (secret's out). If we are desperately sad but have a deadline to meet, we'll meet it regardless. We'll package up that sorrow for later and continue on even though deep down we're already weeping. This is a thing that happens everyday for Autistic people. Perhaps it's joy instead of sadness, or anger rather than either, but we'll do our best to get through the day without letting it impact what needs to be done. This is why sometimes you may think an emotional outburst is random or out of the blue -- it's not, it's just been delayed. Hours, days, perhaps weeks, but there is a direct cause.
This has been difficult for me lately.
A combination of hormones and stress have added up so that recently my compartments have gotten a little full. I've been trying slowly but steadily to unload them but it doesn't always go so well when people don't expect you, the Vulcan master of all people, to become an emotional wreck right before their very eyes. Or when, by their perception, they don't understand how or why it is even happening. It isn't something easy to explain. Trying to is cumbersome and clumsy under ideal circumstances, and if in attempting to do so you're bombarded with yet more emotions... a meltdown is inevitable as then not only are you overwhelmed but whomever you're confessing to is undoubtedly irritated. Sometimes our only response is to shut down completely, because it's really way too much to cope with at the time.
It's like trying to add more water to a glass that's already full, with a power hose.
If I have been distant lately, this is why. If I have come to you with a complaint you hadn't expected, this is why. Believe me when I say, it's probably not particularly anything you did or didn't do and I really don't want you to fix anything. I like you just the way you are or I wouldn't have you in my life. Understand I just need to unload every now and again. So if I say something like, "I didn't like the way you ended our last email correspondence," don't feel obligated to explain why you ended it how you did, or even offer to make sure to end it better next time, or get mad because you thought you had ended it just fine. I don't want or expect any of that, I just thought, you know, you should know.
That's all.
I'm not making excuses if I've been curt or anything. I'm just explaining why that may have happened because it is a legitimate problem and I am not a perfect being.
Sunday, January 12, 2014
Inari Gift Buying Guide
I did some reorganizing with my Amazon Wishlist. Namely, I broke it up into different categories so that if you're looking to gift me something specific, it's a lot easier for you. Bold font = clickable links.
I am easy to buy for, literally anything will make me smile, but if you want some guidance then this guide is for you. Whether you want to get something I need more than want (groceries, house supplies, clothing) or something I want more than need (everything else), this will help you narrow it down.
What to Buy An Inari: Contains things I really, really want at the moment and would totally buy for myself if I had the extra cash.
Art Supplies: Filled with art supplies, from beading to sketching. Feed my creativity.
Books: Books, book and more books. How I adore books. Feed my imagination.
Clothing: Prevent me from looking like a nudist or a bog hermit by making sure I have new clothes on my back.
Groceries: Because I am hungry like the wolf.
House Supplies: Sometimes you want an extra table or a new garbage can just as much as someone else would like a diamond necklace.
Jewelry: Jewelry, obviously. Because I am a dragon.
Toys: Actual toys. You'd probably think this was full of 'adult' toys, like chess boards or telescopes or something, but no. Not really.
Video Games: My favorite hobby.
I am easy to buy for, literally anything will make me smile, but if you want some guidance then this guide is for you. Whether you want to get something I need more than want (groceries, house supplies, clothing) or something I want more than need (everything else), this will help you narrow it down.
What to Buy An Inari: Contains things I really, really want at the moment and would totally buy for myself if I had the extra cash.
Art Supplies: Filled with art supplies, from beading to sketching. Feed my creativity.
Books: Books, book and more books. How I adore books. Feed my imagination.
Clothing: Prevent me from looking like a nudist or a bog hermit by making sure I have new clothes on my back.
Groceries: Because I am hungry like the wolf.
House Supplies: Sometimes you want an extra table or a new garbage can just as much as someone else would like a diamond necklace.
Jewelry: Jewelry, obviously. Because I am a dragon.
Toys: Actual toys. You'd probably think this was full of 'adult' toys, like chess boards or telescopes or something, but no. Not really.
Video Games: My favorite hobby.
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Unicorn Smiles for Your Ladies
Normally I am of the mind that you don't get what you pay for. I've never had a bad experience buying cheap clothing over big brand names and, in some cases, actually found my cheaper clothes to stand up to time better than clothing worth hundreds of dollars more. This also applies to bras, where I have found cheap bras to be just as supportive, durable, and in most cases even as comfortable as those I paid much more for.
That said, when it comes to comfortable bras you really can't do much better than Victoria's Secret unless you're having them custom fit. Putting on a bra from Victoria's Secret is like receiving a hug from a chinchilla -- the world's softest animal. I have no idea what the hell they make their bras out of, but I suspect it's something like 50% cotton 50% unicorn smiles.
When Victoria's Secret has their annual online sale (which is right now, btw), I almost always treat myself to a new bra, even though these days I really only wear bras if it's cold outside. Because there's a thing guys don't tend to understand: our tits always feel colder than they are when it's chilly out. So even if you can comfortably go outside without a jacket, your boobs will probably be unhappy about it. A bra is like a sweater specifically for your breasts, allowing you to keep them warm without making the rest of you too warm.
Also, despite it being 2014, you may need a little more coverage depending on where you plan to be going. For some reason nipples peeking through your sweater are still largely frowned upon in polite society.
That said, when it comes to comfortable bras you really can't do much better than Victoria's Secret unless you're having them custom fit. Putting on a bra from Victoria's Secret is like receiving a hug from a chinchilla -- the world's softest animal. I have no idea what the hell they make their bras out of, but I suspect it's something like 50% cotton 50% unicorn smiles.
When Victoria's Secret has their annual online sale (which is right now, btw), I almost always treat myself to a new bra, even though these days I really only wear bras if it's cold outside. Because there's a thing guys don't tend to understand: our tits always feel colder than they are when it's chilly out. So even if you can comfortably go outside without a jacket, your boobs will probably be unhappy about it. A bra is like a sweater specifically for your breasts, allowing you to keep them warm without making the rest of you too warm.
Also, despite it being 2014, you may need a little more coverage depending on where you plan to be going. For some reason nipples peeking through your sweater are still largely frowned upon in polite society.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Goodbye 2013, Hello 2014
Where did you begin 2013?
At Will and Ari's house.
What was your status by Valentine's Day?
Stiiiiill taken.
Were you in school (anytime this year)?
No.
Did you have to go to the hospital?
Just once.
Did you have any encounters with the police?
At Will and Ari's house.
What was your status by Valentine's Day?
Stiiiiill taken.
Were you in school (anytime this year)?
No.
Did you have to go to the hospital?
Just once.
Did you have any encounters with the police?
No.
Los Angeles.
What did you purchase that was over $500?
Nothing.
Did you know anybody who got married?
I want to say yes... but I'm pretty sure the answer is no.
Did you know anybody who passed away?
Jacob.
Did you move anywhere?
No.
What sporting events did you attend?
None.
What concerts/shows did you go to?
I haven't been to a concert since like 2001.
Where do you live now?
California.
What's the one thing you thought you would never do but did in 2013?
Taught a small human how to walk. He made the deadline with just a week to spare.
What has/have been your favorite moment(s)?
Introducing Jude to swimming.
Date nights.
My mother finally getting to come visit.
Having Josh across the courtyard for a bit.
Going to the ocean.
Jude's first birthday!
Jude's first steps.
What's something you learned about yourself?
I'm a fucking super hero.
I really am.
Any new additions to your family?
Nope!
What was your best month?
September, oddly enough.
What music will you remember 2013 by?
Uh, definitely the Sesame Street theme song.
Made new friends?
A couple.
Favorite Night[s] out?
Date night.
Movie night at Josh's.
Catching Fire.
Any regrets?
Never.
What do you want to accomplish in 2014?
Shape Jude into a better human being.
More muscle would be nice too. I am spindly.
What would you change about 2013?
Nothing I'd change was my place to change.
Other than home, where did you spend most of your time?
Just home.
Have any life changes in 2013?
Not particularly.
Change your hairstyle?
No.
Get a new job?
No.
Do you have a New Year's resolution?
I think I jinxed myself last year.
Did anything embarrassing?
Always.
What was/were your favorite purchase[s]?
Jude's Little People farm house. He loves that thing so much.
Get married or divorced?
No.
Did you get sick this year?
I am sick right now. I drug it into the new year.
Start a new hobby?
Nah, I have a ton of hobbies already.
Are you happy to see 2013 go?
I'm excited for 2014, so, in a way.
Drank Starbucks in 2013?
Nope.
What are you wishing for in 2014?
A day off. :P
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