Thursday, July 11, 2013

RP Pet Peeves

I've been mulling this over for, oh, probably three years now and just never committed to writing it. Partly due to procrastination but also in part due to it being an ever evolving topic for me. I game a lot, though not quite as much lately due to real life being amazing and my time being especially occupied, but still. My genre of choice is the MMORPG because I like other human beings (generally). PVP, PVE, RP, I basically do it all, but this post here is about RP in particular. So if you aren't a gamer, or are a gamer but aren't an RPer, feel free to skip this post entirely.

My RP Pet Peeves:
(in some totally random order)

1. Hyper Sexualization
This actually breaks down into two categories, you can be guilty of one or the other, or in some cases both. Ironically being guilty of both is somehow less agitating as it at least makes a lick of sense. You're open like a hallway and you look like the type of person who is open like a hallway, can at least see that one coming.

a) They are dressed for a Victoria's Secret runway show no matter what it is they're doing or where they may be going. I'm sorry but bra and panties just isn't practical for fighting dragons, zombies, or long hikes through ice capped mountains. Also, having your face painted like a Geisha despite the fact that the apocalypse just happened and you are really better off spending that time elsewhere (on things like finding food, shelter, or running away from zombies) is kind of immersion breaking. How can I take you seriously if we're being mauled by a rancor and you're reapplying your damned lipstick?

These people also tend to have chosen the largest rack if they're playing a female character or the biggest muscles if they are playing a dude. Their descriptions say things such as having a curvacious form, being curvy in all the right places, being well endowed, or chiseled like a Greek statue. Their hair is almost always referred to as tresses and its color is never black, brown, red, or blonde but raven, chocolate, amber, and flaxen. Their skin is either fine porcelain, the color of honey, or kissed by the sun. And of course their eye color is never blue, green, or brown but sapphire, emerald, and who am I kidding? They never have brown eyes.

b) They may not look it or act it in public but they're easier than a prostitute. Prostitutes at least insist that you pay them. Regardless of whether it makes sense for their character or not (timid book worms I am glaring at you), they will drop their panties the day you meet them. You don't even need to take them on a date first. From 0 to 60 in mere seconds like a finely crafted German automobile, if finely crafted German automobiles had engorged genitalia and did nothing but rut like baboons in heat.

Sometimes they may wait longer than your first conversation to get into your pants but it probably doesn't make any more sense. This applies particularly to when your character is physically flawed in such a way as to be essentially grotesque to everyone except literal monsters yet still there's people wanting your snatch/cock. It's a double whammy if your character also has the personality of a rabid dog. Basically they are all wet/hard over someone with no physical or social desirability whatsoever, just because you're present.

This makes zero sense. Not even in the world of seedy bars and one night stands does this make much sense. They must just have some sort of brain disorder that absolves them of all inhibitions. It makes even less sense when the characters doing this dress like librarians and act like nuns. For fucks sake, what ever happened to being consistent? When did rubbing genitalia start taking precedence over good story telling and, you know, believability?

Next time your character is about to get naked with another character in the room, ask yourself why they are doing this. If your character does not know the other person's first, middle, and last name and at least the names of two relatives, it's probably too soon to be meaningful to the plot whatsoever.

2. IC/OOC Blending
This presents in a few ways. The first is when you're essentially roleplaying yourself in the game world. It isn't really playing a role if you're just being yourself. This lends itself to the second, wherein you have emotional responses to things that happen IC, OOC. Such as getting angry at another player if their character tells your character that they're an idiot. The way a character feels is not necessarily be the way the player feels. The third, and generally unrelated to the above two, is when two or more players know eachother well and tend to create relationships (romantic, platonic, familial) between all of their characters regardless as to whether or not they make much if any sense.

These are all bad. Even if they seem benign, they inevitably break immersion and can sometimes even explode into entirely unnecessary out of character drama. If you cannot respect the line between what happens IC and what happens OOC you should not be roleplaying. It isn't healthy for you, and it isn't fair to those around you either. I'm not saying if you're partaking in a particularly deep storyline and something tragic happens that you shouldn't feel something, after all you have a response when things like this happen in other mediums such as television and literature, but these feelings should be aimed at the story and the characters within it. Not the writers. That's crazy shit, take your pills.

3. Making Assumptions Based on OOC Information
I need to make something clear, I am of the firm belief that powers beyond those represented ingame are seldom if ever handled correctly and are thus to be avoided. This isn't what I mean though. What I am referring to is when people see that you are a certain race, level, or class and react to you IC based on that.

Within reason, in roleplay you could be of a race not represented at character creation (which is exceedingly limited), or be roleplaying without certain class attributes. Such as your class being Rogue but roleplaying as a noncombatant secretary. It's kind of strange when someone sees you are a rogue OOC and then starts reacting to the person who answers the phones as if they're some lethal assassin. Right? Right.

As for level, if you've never seen a person in action, you should not make assumptions about their prowess or lack thereof in character. I don't mean that level ones should RP super powers as if they were level eighty. I mean you should not treat a level one like they are a level one unless you've seen them being sucky. Likewise you should not treat a level eighty like they're super awesome unless you have actually seen them being super awesome.

4. Playing a Major NPC's Relative
I don't even think this needs to be explained. You are not Thrall's brother. You are not Spock's aunt. You are not Chewbaca's son. Just... stop. Please.

5. Inability to Accept Consequences

There is nothing more important to me than consistency in roleplay. This means if you talked smack yesterday, you might get beaten up tomorrow. If you got beaten up yesterday, you have bruises tomorrow. Etc., etc. When you behave like an ass, you are going to be treated like an ass. Accept the consequences of your actions.

I don't mean your character shouldn't fight back because they're a douche and have it coming. I'm saying you shouldn't miraculously avoid the fight altogether (by, for example, logging out when trouble arises). And you definitely shouldn't downplay your losses if you lose -- you know you'll be bragging for weeks when you win. Your character will have so much more depth if they've had to pay for their behavior in some capacity.

I've had people stir up shit and then tell me that they "don't roleplay violence" when confronted about it. Uhm, no. Unacceptable. If you didn't want to roleplay violence you probably should not have made everyone around you want to murder you by being a vindictive cunt. Just saying.

I'd go so far as to say if your character does something that warrants a strong reaction and you purposefully avoid it, I won't be roleplaying with you in the future. You may not give any fucks, but other people feel this strongly too and eventually you'll run out of people to play with.

Aside from these things, I can deal with pretty much anything else thrown at me in RP. Newbies get better over time, people who don't know lore can learn it, and so on. It's just that these five things aren't things that are easily corrected. Most people guilty of them don't want to be better. That's inexcusable.


  1. A-effing-men. If only this were a guide of what not to do somewhere useful.

    1. It used to be, man. It used to be.